White Orchid Melody Blog

What really matters in life anyway? What is it that you’ll be so glad you did when you are on your deathbed? It most likely isn’t your job. Unless your job is doing something for which you have a true passion, but that is very rare. I think we all want to feel like we’ve contributed to the world in whatever way we best could. For some people that’s as simple as being a good mom (I said simple, not easy!). For others it’s advocating for the rights of those less fortunate.

Several months ago, I read The Art of Non-Conformity. It’s a great book about living life outside the rat race. Want to go back to school? Try his plan for a one-year independent study MBA, and save yourself a boatload of money. One of the things he brings up in the book, though, is that in order to really be fulfilled, you must find a way to give back to the world. We all want that feeling of having made a difference.

I’m not yet sure what that means for me. I have some long-term ideas about how I can make a difference by helping to motivate others to pursue their creative dreams. But the details of how to actually do that are still fuzzy. I’ve been of the mind recently that grad school is the way to go. If I get an MFA, I can teach. I really enjoyed the teaching I did before Alex was born, but do I want to do that full time? As far as jobs go, academia is pretty awesome. Summers off, anyone??? But one thing I know is that I’m not comfortable going into debt in order to get that degree. I value financial freedom more than any further education.

I fall into the trap of thinking, oh if I could just get that advanced degree then I could have a job I liked and make enough money to get by. But is all that really, truly, necessary? Or is it just an excuse to take the easy route? Degrees and jobs and career paths are the way things are done around here. It is a life script that we are all familiar with; it’s comfortable. To think of the alternatives is scary! No job? How will I survive? (Yes, I do have a husband, but the goal is for him to do what he loves, too!)

Our goal is to both be living our passion on a daily basis. And since we are two pretty headstrong people, our passion doesn’t involve taking direction from any one else. Not that we can’t. We’re both good at playing along with the corporate racket, but at the same time it kills one’s soul a little bit more every day. I know I could never have a corporate job again. Maybe I could handle academia. But do I really want that? Or do I want to have my days to myself and decide what I’d like to spend my time doing moment to moment?

Well, when you put it like that….

Another great book we read is Your Money or Your Life. The authors write about some unconventional approaches to work/life balance, with the general idea being to reduce your spending to the point of not needing to work as much. We’ve read other simple living books that espouse the same principles. And with that knowledge we have simplified our lives. We don’t buy so much useless crap. We choose quality products that will last a long time rather than what’s cheapest (this is also good for the planet, by the way). We aren’t perfect, and we definitely aren’t what you’d call thrifty, but most of our purchases are thoughtful at the very least. And we’ve come a long way from where we were when we first got married.

When I think about what I love to do, it’s obviously painting and writing. It’s not teaching. So why would teaching be my full time job when what I actually want to spend time doing is painting and writing? Teaching is something I enjoy, but it is secondary to painting and writing. So, it would make more sense for that to be the part time endeavor, rather than the other way around. So then, what is the degree actually worth? Education is always valuable. But you don’t have to always pay a lot for it. I had a full tuition scholarship for my undergraduate degree and I still walked away with a ridiculous amount of student loans for supplies, books, and living expenses. Having only recently paid all those off, I’m not too eager to get back into debt. It goes against our larger goal of financial freedom.

In a perfect world, we’d both be able to read, write, and create as much as we want. Our home would be paid for; our other expenses would be minimal; we could easily make enough money to pay for what we needed. We could grow some of our own food (well, Brian could anyway. I like the idea of gardens much more than the reality!). The simple life really appeals to me.

I went back to the states for a visit before Christmas. While there, I went to visit a friend who is living with her grandmother for awhile. Her grandmother is about 80, I think, and she is a prolific painter. When I walked into the garage from the driveway, I had to stop and stare. All the walls were lined with paintings. It was amazing. And there in the corner was her little studio. I talked to her about her paintings, naturally. I asked her if she ever sold them.

“No,” she said. “I don’t want to deal with that. I don’t want someone judging my work and saying it’s not good enough. It’s good enough for me. That’s what matters.”

I love her attitude. I don’t think you can ever really create something great for any reason other than because it is what your soul demands that you do. I’m not sure where I’m going with that other than to say that I wonder how much of my desire to get a degree is just my ego. I wonder if I’d be just as happy to paint and write, no matter what anyone else though of my work. Is it enough to just create? If you take away the financial pressure, is it enough to just create whatever your soul demands?

I read somewhere that if your dream doesn’t give you the chills, you aren’t dreaming big enough. We’re talking dreams, of course, not the interim goals associated with getting there. Dream big, and then set small, manageable goals for actually getting there.

My big dream is to have a Bed and Breakfast/Artist’s Retreat. I want an old farmhouse on a bit of land where I can build little cabins for art studios. It is funny how this idea has evolved. The Creative Haven started out as an idea for a paint your own pottery studio. I was working with a consultant on the business plan, but it just never seemed to come together, due to time or financial constraints. Then we moved to Italy. Since being here, my idea has expanded. Paint your own pottery studios are cool, but is that my passion? Not so much.

We’ve traveled quite a bit here, staying in various hotels. I’m quick to spot the potential in spaces, and I got really turned on to the idea of creating a well-designed and welcoming Bed and Breakfast. They also have these fabulous agriturismo B&Bs here, where they have essentially a farm and restaurant on site (that is sort of a tangent to my Big Dream, but it is always good to have room to grow).

Being here has given me the time and space to be creative, to paint and write and just slow down. I would love to provide that space for others who may not have that in their daily life. Wouldn’t a week or two away from it all to get down and dirty creative be awesome?!

Big Dreams have to be something that makes your heart sing. For me that is decorating and entertaining, and being surrounded by creative people. And being creative myself, of course. I’m right-brain, left-brain balanced, so the idea of having a creative business really appeals to me.

Big Dreams should also serve the world. What is your contribution to the world today? How are you making an impact? I’m raising my son, which is a big contribution, I’d say. I’m also making art and sharing it with the world. But those are both abstract contributions. I want to offer something more tangible. Offering a Creative Haven to artists would be one way. But I think I can do more.

When I was in high school, I really loved art. But I didn’t see how it was possible to make a living making art. So, I talked myself into starting the environmental science program when I went to college. But when I went to register for classes I realized I wasn’t so excited about all those science classes. I wanted to take drawing! I came to my senses and transferred to the art school. But only after talking to the admissions department about the possibility of gainful employment after 4 years! I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Fashion Design majors were easily employed. But still, the financial factor has been a huge part of my decision making process in pursuing education, career path, etc.

I’m sure you’ve heard it asked, “What would you do if money was no object?” Your reply is supposedly your passion and what you should be pursuing. But it is very difficult to actually do that. Most of us live constrained by fear and practicality. Not many people are going around encouraging young people to pursue their dreams. Mostly the message is to grow up and be responsible. Conform.

With the Creative Haven, I’d like to change that. I’d like to use proceeds from the B&B to offer scholarships for young people interested in pursuing the arts. I’d also like to be a voice that says, “Follow your passion! You’ll never find happiness if you don’t!” Maybe I’ll offer summer art camps full of motivational pep talks I’d like to make a difference.

So how do you get your Big Dream to be your big reality? Small goals. It’s a delicate balance. Sometimes we make excuses for having what we really want by creating distance between ourselves and our goals. We say, “I want Z, but first I have to do A through Y.” It can be overwhelming. I think meditation can be useful here as a way to get in touch with your goals without worrying about how it will happen. Sometimes just setting the intention is half the battle. And then sometimes you’ll get a feeling for what the flow might be.

For me and my Big Dream, I don’t have any concrete steps. In fact I could probably do it tomorrow if that’s what I wanted. But I have a sense that things will flow a different way. I’m open to whatever path will take me there. Here’s what I think it might look like:

First, I’m planning to go back to school for my Master of Fine Arts degree. I really enjoyed my time teaching Fashion Illustration at Wash U, and I’d like to teach in the future. And spending a couple of years honing my painting skills and more fully developing my critical analysis would be good for me. What does that have to do with Creative Haven? Well, teaching will probably help me earn more money than selling paintings alone (even though teachers don’t make very much!).

I’m also not ready to settle down in one spot just yet. I’ll be moving somewhere for school, then somewhere to teach, and then maybe other places, and traveling all the while, of course. Hopefully along the way I’ll meet lots of artists who will one day come to my retreats! We all know the power of networking. But when the time is right, I’ll feel it. I’ll keep close to my love, and my passion, not fear, will guide me.

And of course, I reserve the right to completely change my mind about all of this and take some path of which I cannot yet even conceive. I’ll leave you with this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay “Self Reliance”:

“With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today.–’Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.’–Is it so bad then to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”

I write about happiness quite often here. And maybe it sounds like I have it all figured out. But I still have bad days (weeks/months). Today is one of those days. (And the past two weeks have been those kind of weeks.) I’m ready to order a body double to stand in for me while I disappear for a couple of weeks!

I finished the nude torso I was painting a couple weeks ago. I think it turned out nice. This was my first figure painting with acrylics (I learned with oils), so something of an experiment. The colors look much different from the in-progress version because of the lighting. My “studio” is my basement, so despite our best efforts, the lighting situation is not so great.

Anyway, I resumed working on the figure that I’d started about a year ago. I began in oil, and normally you wouldn’t want to paint over that in acrylic because it won’t set (like trying to mix water and oil). However, this had been dry so long it worked fine. I’ve worked on this one I guess three sessions now. I just have a bit more to do on the figure and then finish up on the flowers. I like it pretty well so far, but it still needs some work.

In other news, I got a new printer, the Epson Photo 1400. I was previously working with the Photo R200, so a big upgrade. The R200 was nice when I bought it a few years ago, but I was having an issue with printing from Photoshop CS2. The driver update for Photoshop color management only recognized Photoshop 6 or 7. So, it was never going to get my colors right. Very frustrating. Anyway, the new prints are beautiful, and it is a larger format printer. So I can print up to 13×19. Now that the printer situation is resolved, I’m starting to work on my digital scrapping baby book templates. The first one is for a friend of ours who just had a baby girl last month. It has been really good working on the layouts. I started out making black and white “sketches” of all the layouts, which I saved as templates. Then when I’m ready to create a book, I can pull those and drop in all the colors and textures. I have a girl version done, so now I just need a boy version, and a neutral. My templates will probably all be “gifts” to people we know. Then I’ll try to sell a few locally. If it tests well, we are going to build a website and try to get samples into some boutiques here.

Brian’s (above)

I’ve always painted with oils. I have a larger painting that I started awhile back and intended to work on that this weekend. When I got my medium out, it had been so long since I’d painted last that it had congealed and was no longer usable. Having been bitten with the painting bug, I really wanted to work on something right then and not wait until I had time to go buy medium. So, I got out the acrylics I’d bought for Brian. I really enjoyed them! They were so easy to clean up and no toxic fumes (a plus when your art studio is your basement). In the spirit of simplification I’m thinking of giving away my oils and only working with acrylics. I don’t paint often enough, or well enough, to deal with the expense and hassle of oils. I think that is one of the reasons I hadn’t painted in so long. I still need to finish the one I’ve started. I’m tempted to work over it with acrylics. It has been dry long enough, it shouldn’t cause a reaction. Maybe I’ll test a little corner and see…otherwise, I’ll finish it with the oils, but that will be my last one.