White Orchid Melody Blog

I have a confession to make: I really like being a housewife, a.k.a. Domestic Goddess. Okay, so I don’t like to clean, but other than that. And yes, I need time to paint and write and read (which is what I do instead of cleaning), but I really like being able to stay at home: having the time to make my home a “nest”—a warm inviting place; having the time to cook nutritious meals; being able to watch my son learn and grow. I would be missing out on a lot of these things if I was working full time outside the home. When I worked full time, before my son came along, dinner was a hurried affair. Home from a long day, tired and drained, I wasn’t exactly up for getting creative in the kitchen. I relied heavily on processed foods. Even after I went vegetarian and had to learn to cook more things from scratch, soy-based meat substitutes were frequently on the menu.

After I quit working, I really struggled with the idea of just being a housewife. Even though our quality of life improved with me at home—better food for one thing!—I still felt like I wasn’t making an adequate contribution to our livelihood. I made several attempts at small craft-type businesses, but I was never passionate enough about any of them to get past the initial creative surge. I felt defeated and frustrated, yet at the same time I couldn’t bear the thought of another corporate job. Once we had a baby, my staying home was more “justified”, but still, I couldn’t really let myself go. I couldn’t let myself enjoy it.

I was brought up to be a career woman. From a very young age, I was taught that the most important thing for me to do was to have a career. College was stressed as essential, but really the education was only a means to the career. Perhaps I didn’t show any natural tendencies to nurture, but it wasn’t encouraged either. I don’t remember playing with baby dolls, only full-grown Barbie dolls. I never really had pets to nurture. It was all about growing up and being an independent woman. Parents always want their kids to have a better life than they had, to skip the hardships and enjoy life. And that truly was the spirit behind the lessons. My mom wanted me to have the freedom to choose a life of my own making. She didn’t want me to get tied down to a baby before I was ready.

Unfortunately, the lesson really REALLY sank in. So much so, that I had a hard time enjoying it once I did have a baby. I felt like I wasn’t cut out for being a mom. I definitely had hormonal issues, but looking back now, I think a lot of my depression stemmed from my inability to fall into the situation with grace. I couldn’t let myself go. I couldn’t let myself enjoy something that had been so devalued my whole life. I didn’t see myself as tender and nurturing and I didn’t think it was okay to be that way either. Maybe it was okay for other people, but not for me. Wasn’t I supposed to be doing something more with my life?

Three years later, I am finally realizing this about myself. (Slow learner?) Being in Italy, not being “allowed” to work here, has really let me off the hook. It has allowed me to enjoy staying at home. There is no pressure to be doing something more important because legally, I can’t. I have really figured out what I do and do not like to do with my time. But even here, for the last year or so, I’ve been thinking of how to make one of the things I like to do a career. I could go back to school for a Master’s in Painting and teach, for example. But honestly, I don’t want a career. That is so hard to admit after a lifetime of conditioning, but it’s true. I want freedom and flexibility in my life. If I do teach, I want it to be part time, on my terms. I don’t want to invest a ton of money in a degree and then be a slave to a job to pay back loans. No way, man.

In some ways it is easy to admit that I like being a housewife. After all, it means I get to do whatever I want all the time, right? But then there’s that whole being a mom thing. My husband, my mom, my in-laws, friends and other relatives have all said that I’m a good mom. But I still feel like I’m not cut out for it. I’ve been very resistant to the idea of having another baby because I was so miserable for that first year. But now I wonder how much of that was just my resistance to the situation. Can I own my experience and say “Yes! This is what I want!” and have a more positive experience next time? I actually love being a mom on most days. I love the experience, though, not the label. The label still has negative connotations in my mind. But the day-to-day of playing with my son, watching him learn and grow, is actually pretty awesome. There is a delicate balance, of course. When things become too heavily weighted towards everyone else’s needs, I start to get crazy. But as long as I get some “me time”—painting, reading, writing, running—I do alright. This is true for every other mom I know.

When I think about the future, what appeals to me is having a life full of things I value—time, art, good food, family, friends. Having a career and all the stresses that go with it is not part of that picture. I want a handmade life—one made of all the beautiful pieces that I can assemble together, like a quilt of joy, love, and creativity. It’s not about expecting everything to be perfectly happy all the time. It’s about accepting the challenges as necessary to the whole, feeling the pain so that you can feel the joy, not numbing oneself to the human experience. It can be whatever I want it to be. Each of us has the power to create a beautiful life for ourselves. We can make this life whatever we want it to be. It doesn’t have to fit into anyone else’s idea of a good life. It’s your life. Own it.

My new(ish) tattoo:

We are divine beings seeking the human experience.

It’s all about owning that experience, whatever it is.

With the way this morning started I was afraid my gratitude post was going to be a challenge! Alex isn’t aware that the time changed back, so we’re up at 6:30am, which is not my favorite time of day anyway. Then I go to change the sheet/blankets on his bed and he has a total freakout. He kept pulling the blankets back out of the clothes basket. I explained that they were going in the wash. I took him and the clothes downstairs to the laundry room and told him he could help me put them in the wash. Oh, boy. That did not go well. He sat in front of the washer and bawled his little eyes out for the longest. So strange what things are totally fine and then one day completely unacceptable! He was so sad that his blankets were in the washer. Meanwhile I go make coffee, get him some milk, which he refuses to drink, then take a load of clothes upstairs to be hung out later. When I come back downstairs half of my coffee is in the floor and running down the cabinets. I guess I left it within reach and he decided to have a sip. So, I had him help me clean that up. We finally managed to get ready and go to preschool. I tried to leave, he cried, so I stayed awhile. Finally I just had to go. I told the teacher I’d sit outside 15 minutes or so. If it got really bad, she could come get me. He screamed for at least that long, but then she came out and said “he’s eating breakfast, it’s okay.” She told me to go and they’d call if the crying got bad.

Meanwhile one of my friends had showed up to drop off her older child, so we went for a jog together. Alex was fine, I never got a call. So, things worked out after all. I even had time to shower, dry my hair (which takes forever), and write a little bit here. For that I am grateful! I am about to have to go pick him up though, so I will add another post (back to my topic!) during his nap. Ciao!

I’ve been making Alex’s babyfood since he started solids. It is very easy and a frugal way to make sure he’s getting the healthiest food possible. It is much cheaper to buy a pound of organic green beans than a pound of organic baby food! The idea is to make large batches and freeze, then when it is time to feed baby, you just pull out a few cubes, thaw, and serve.

Most pediatricians recommend starting with baby rice cereal. Rice allergies are extremely rare, so it is a safe choice. Commercial rice cereal often has more in it than rice, however. It has added iron, but otherwise is pretty skimpy nutritionally speaking. I initially tried to give Alex homemade oatmeal, which I ground up in the food processor prior to cooking. It was still too chunky though. So, I pureed some bananas, and he started on that. They get nice and runny in the food processor! We then introduced other foods, sweet potatoes, peas, applesauce, but held off on the grains until 6 months.

The primary source of nutrition during the first year should be breastmilk or formula. So when you are just starting out, it is more about getting them to learn how to eat solids and exploring different flavors and textures. As your baby approaches his first year birthday, you can gradually shift to a diet based more on solids. It is important to meet all their caloric needs, so grains become more important. You don’t want to fill their bellies with low calorie fruits and veggies. Grains (and closer to one year, protein) should be the foundation, with fruits and veggies on the side.

I found a couple of resources to be very helpful. One is the site wholesomebabyfood. And the other is the book Super Baby Foodby Ruth Yaron. Neither is a complete source, but they compliment each other well. Yaron’s book is a good reference for nutrition and making sure your baby gets a balanced diet. Wholesomebabyfood is great for cooking tips and recipes.

Supplies
To make your own baby food you will need:
1. A food processoror blender(if possible get both)
2. Ice cube trays (I love these, from Tupperware!)
3. Zipper bags

Grains
Making your own oatmeal, brown rice, and other baby cereals is super easy! Here is where a blender comes in handy. It grinds up hard things like grains much better than the food processor, which just seems to throw it around. This is especially true with rice. Just pour your grains, about a cup, into the blender and blend until it is a fine powder. There may still be some chunkier pieces, but get it as smooth as possible. As your baby gets bigger, you won’t need it to be quite as smooth. After my grains are ground up fine, I put them in a ziploc freezer bag. When it is time to feed baby, just boil your water, 4 Tbsp for every 1 Tbsp of cereal, and add your grains. Cook on low, stirring well to keep it smooth. Oatmeal takes only about 5 minutes, while rice takes longer, maybe 15 minutes. Always get whole grains–brown rice, rolled oats, etc. No nutritionally devoid “instant” foods please. It is already super fast! After the grains have cooked you can whisk in breastmilk or formula to thin to the desired consistency. Or add fruits, veggies, etc.

Fruits and Veggies
These are a two step process. First, you need to cook the fruit or vegetable. This is true for all but the softest fruits (banana or avocado). I steam everything. It maintains more of the nutritional value than other methods. You’ll want to steam the food until it is really, really soft, mushy even. If it isn’t soft from the cooking, you will have a difficult time getting it smooth in the food processor. Some foods are very liquidy–pears, plums, and peaches. Some will turn out more creamy–sweet potatoes and avocados. And some will never be smooth, not matter how hard you try–green beans and peas.

After you’ve cooked your food to a mush, put it in the food processor and puree until it is as smooth as possible. This may take longer than you’d expect. Just keep at it until it isn’t getting any smoother. You can add water for smaller babies to make it thinner. As your baby gets older, you can leave it chunkier.

When the puree is as smooth as you’d like it, grab your handy rubber spatula. Now, I mentioned above that I really like the Tupperware ice cube trays with a lid. I tried cheap trays and they shattered the first time I tried to get the food out, or I’d have to use a knife to pry it out without cracking the tray….this left little shards of plastic in the food—NOT what we want to feed baby! Since getting the Tupperware trays, I’ve had no problems. Looks like they are hard to find now, as they are no longer on the tupperware site, but it could just be a seasonal thing. Anyway, grab your ice tray and coat with non-stick canola or olive oil spray. Then spread in the puree. Put on the lid, if it has one, otherwise cover with foil. Freeze for about 4 hours. The longer you freeze past 4 hours, the more difficult it is to get them out. Not a big deal if you have quality trays, but if using cheaper trays, definitely try to pull it out after 4 hours. I have left mine in overnight and they’ve been more difficult to get out, but not horrible. If they are stuck, run hot water over the bottom of the tray (while the lid is on!). Okay, now transfer to your ziploc freezer bag and label it. You don’t want to be staring at 3 bags of orange cubes wondering which is carrots, sweet potatoes, and peaches!

The Menu
When we first started solids, we only gave him fruit or vegetables. Again, breastmilk or formula is the primary nutritional source. But after 6 months, we started working on more grains and things. Around 8-9 months, we added protein sources (vegetarian, of course). I don’t see the point in feeding a baby meat. They don’t have teeth! Or at least not enough to chew meat. Anyway. We do a lentil puree by similar method to the veggies, except I cook the lentils on the stove.

How many meals, how much to offer? I think your baby will let you know. At first, he’d eat one cube at the most. Now, at ten months, his dinner consists of: 1/2 to 3/4 cup of grains, plus one cube of lentil and one cube of pear, plus 1/4 cup of applesauce; then 2 to 4 cubes of vegetables. I also add nutritional enhancers–tahini paste for fat, ground flaxseed for omega-3 fats, wheat germ for folic acid and vitamin e. We feed him his “porridge,” then his veggies, and then small bites of whatever we are eating as we finish dinner. As you can see he eats quite a lot now. He lets us know when he is still hungry (grunting, reaching for our food) or when he has had enough (turning his head or laying it on his shoulder). Don’t try to force your baby to eat. He’ll eat if he wants to, leave it at that.

We had a very nice trip home to see my family last week. The car ride was a bit long and very uncomfortable, but it was worth it. We stayed with my grandmother and she fed us non-stop! We probably consumed a month worth of calories over 4 days!

My cousin and his wife had a baby in October, so we got to meet him. It’s strange, even though I’m having a baby in just a couple months, I still have no desire to hold other people’s babies. It’s not that I dislike them or anything; I’m just not compelled. Anyway, they are following the attachment parenting method with their babe. It is one of those things that sounds good in theory, but makes me wonder about quality of life for the parents. It is more of a simple-living approach, but at what expense? Take co-sleeping, for example. It gets a lot of heat from different “authorities” on the degree of safety (concern for SIDS). But truthfully, it is done all over the world, and if done properly poses little risk to the infant. But from what I have read, ”properly” means that the parents cannot sleep with covers on the bed, as the infant could suffocate. That would never work for me. I am only content to sleep with my giant down comforter. I would feel naked without it! Furthermore, Brian is such a heavy sleeper, I’d be worried about him rolling over on the baby. And I sleep so lightly anyway, I think I’d be jolted awake everytime Brian moved or the baby wimpered. Quality of sleep matters. You aren’t getting much with an infant anyway, so it seems like you’ll want to sleep well when the opportunity arises.

Over the holiday, I read a book that a friend let me borrow, The Baby Whisperer. The author’s approach is somewhere between the Sears or attachment parenting method and the cry-it-out approach. I thought it was a good read. Some of her reasons behind avoiding “on-demand” feeding made sense to me. Parent sanity is top on the list. But also, she gave examples of parents feeding the baby too frequently, which with breastfeeding meant that the baby wasn’t getting the full cycle (to hind milk). This was causing indigestion for the babe and no sleep for anyone. I also appreciate the fact that this book was written by a woman who has been practicing what she preaches and has learned all this from her first hand experience, rather than by a doctor. I think in general, people get overly worked up about parenting techniques. I don’t think our parents were reading 58 books on how to raise their children. And most of us turned out okay. I, for one, don’t remember lying afraid in my crib. I don’t seem to have any permanent scars from that experience. But of course, this whole train of thought may be thrown right out the window when I actually bring my baby home!

I’ve always been doctor-adverse. So even though I love my OBGYN, I still don’t like all the appointments and procedures. I had my gestational diabetes screening yesterday and had to drink the glucola, which is like flat orange soda with 50 grams of dextrose! I was on a sugar high for about 30 minutes and then crashed and felt like crap! Plus I got to spend the rest of the day worrying if I’d passed or failed. Thanksgiving at Grandma’s wasn’t going to be much fun on a GD diet! But they called this morning and I passed. That was a relief. I was just pondering what a silly thing it is to put most women under undue stress for all this testing. Everytime we’ve had a procedure done I have a ton of anxiety over the potential outcome. And I am a pretty healthy person, not at risk for any issues or complications. They should really use more discretion with ordering the tests, I think. But in the age of litigation I guess they have to cover all the bases. I guess I should just be relieved that I passed the test and all is well with baby and mom. Now I can look forward to Thanksgiving dinner!