White Orchid Melody Blog

Sometimes you just FEEL something. It’s that nagging voice in your head telling you that something you are doing isn’t working, or maybe that you should try something new. Last year, I felt very convicted about Honesty. Not that I’m a liar or anything. But most of us sell out everyday in little ways when we aren’t completely honest with ourselves and others about how we really feel. I started to feel like that wasn’t going to cut it anymore. This denial of my true self was keeping me from growing. I resisted at first, because let’s face it, honesty is HARD. Especially honesty with yourself. Then to open up to those close to you about how you are really feeling can be frightening. Will they think I’ve lost my mind? Will they judge me? Well, maybe. But that isn’t going to change the fact that you are who you are and you feel what you feel. I listened to that feeling and vowed to myself to be totally honest. Opening up to myself and those close to me allowed me to overcome a plateau in thinking, in existing, as well as further develop relationships with others.

So that feeling is here again. Now it is about intuition. I believe in a higher guidance system. I believe those inner feelings are more valid than all the crap my mind spews out about any given situation. But it is still difficult to act on that. I’m feeling this conviction that I need to let my intuition, not my logic, lead the way. But we don’t always feel comfortable with what our intuition is telling us. In fact I’d guess that most times we are uncomfortable with anything that isn’t logic based. I have these grand internal debates, mind verses intuition. My mind will argue with anyone, anytime. And lately it has been exhausting me. A couple days ago, I got the feeling that I just needed to stop. Relax. Open up to the universe, and see what happens. Look for synchronicities, for signs. It is like a state of walking meditation. It makes me think of something I read in an Emerson essay. He wrote about the fact that you can hash something over in your mind only so long, and then you have to let go so the solution can make an appearance. Einstein had a similar approach to problem solving. Sometimes we just have to get out of our own way.

Many new age spirituality gurus espouse living in a state of neutrality–that you should seek contentment rather than joy. Deepak Chopra writes that you should imagine life like a river where the banks are your highs and lows–you don’t want to be crashing back and forth from one bank to another, but rather float near the middle. I see his point, but at the same time we shouldn’t avoid our feelings either. Our capacity for infinite joy and sadness is what makes us human. I think it is an essential part of our experience of life. Further, joy and pain are the emotional clues as to what we should (or shouldn’t) be doing with our lives. Feelings of joy are keys to our passion. Feelings of pain are clues about what to avoid or about parts of us that need healing. Emotions are the signposts for directed action. When we embrace, rather than avoid, our emotional response, we can move through life in a more graceful fashion. Life won’t have to throw huge roadblocks up or knock you off track completely if you are paying attention to the smaller signs along the way… Like this.

I read something the other day that said that Hope was not the beautiful thing everyone makes it out to be. According to the author, it is in fact, a negative emotion–a distraction from living in the present moment. My first thought was, “That’s hogwash. Of course hope is a good thing.” But I’ve been musing over this for a couple weeks now and I’m not so sure.

My initial thought was that there are people in bad situations that need hope to survive. You can’t always change your circumstances, right? Well, yes and no. I guess hope is good if it inspires you to consider the fact that life could be better, but it is a negative emotion if you stop there. It must be a catalyst. You must first hope and then take the steps to make the change. Hope for a better life is useless if you are unwilling to do anything to make it better. Few of us are ever truly trapped. The only thing, in most cases, that can trap us in a situation is our fear. We fear that we will make things worse not better. But as I’ve discussed before, we can’t let fear lead us through life. A decision based on fear is always the wrong decision.

It is all a quest for balance after all. Let hope inspire you. The prospect of a new and wonderful day on the horizon is one of the most beautiful things about life. But don’t forget that there is beauty in today as well. Enjoy what today offers even if it isn’t perfect. Enjoy your capacity for improvement and the anticipation of more adventure and beauty and truth and love in your life. And do what you can to make sure that all of those things are coming your way in abundance.

There are lots of ways to make decisions in your life. You can make a list of pros and cons. You can look to see what everyone else is doing. You can ask opinions of those close to you. Ultimately, though, it’s on you.

I think the answers to all of our questions in life are there in our hearts the whole time. It’s that feeling that won’t go away. It’s knowing the answer before you ask the question.

You can, and probably will, argue with your heart, however. This is actually what makes decision making difficult. Your mind, of course, loves this pastime! Your mind will pull out all the stops, tell you what others will think of you, what others have done, what you have done in the past that would be inconsistent, and on, and on. It will probably try to scare your heart away from it’s true desire.

Most often what we really, really want in life is not found on the easy path. This goes back to my last post about Big Dreams. Things found on the easy path are not goals that give you chills! Your heart wants to feel excited about something. It wants to do something your mind thinks you can’t do. It wants to dream big and live big.

But how do you tell if it’s your heart or your mind speaking to you? I’ve found that my heart, or intuition, is often accompanied by a positive emotional response. It can feel like excitement or peace, but it is generally positive. It is a strong feeling that doesn’t go away. The voice coming from my mind is usually very rational. It wants to tell me facts and figures, and if that doesn’t work, it will resort to fear-mongering. A decision based on fear is NEVER the right choice. Good decisions are based on love.

That isn’t always the message we get from the world around us though. Conformity wants us to think that good decisions are based on responsibility and duty. We should live up to what others expect from us. Should we though? Aren’t each of us living a life all our own? I’m not advocating being an inconsiderate asshole. I’m just saying that you should stick up for yourself. At the end of your life the only one you have to answer to is yourself. You will be the one lying there, looking back, evaluating whether or not you lived a good life. As far as any of us know for certain, we’ve got one shot at this. (And even if we do have multiple lives, we’ll probably not have the same exact opportunities again.) So we must make the most of what we have. I don’t want to let fear keep me from living an awesome life.

I have, in the past, made fear based decisions. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I regret those decisions, simply because I value my past for having brought me to this present. But still, I recognize that I missed opportunities due to faulty decision making. For example, in college I studied Fashion Design. My favorite part of the major was fashion illustration. I should have pursued that as a career, kind of a no-brainer. But I let my mind, speaking through fear, convince me that I wasn’t good enough, that I wouldn’t make enough money, that it was just too hard. I took the easy route. There were no chill-inducing Big Dreams there on the easy route, and surprise, surprise, I was quickly disillusioned with my career path.

I’ve often let life have its way with me. I used to be a serious worrier. I fretted about everything. I came up with a saying to keep myself a bit more calm: “You can’t make a decision until there is a decision to be made.” This is good insomuch as it keeps one from worrying about things beyond one’s control. However, I tend to take it too far sometimes and refuse to make any sort of decision until my hand is forced. I let life push me around. It would be much better to get in touch with my heart, my intuition, and figure out what really feels right for me and then follow that path. But that can be scary. We have to all remember that No Risk = No Reward. We have to listen to our hearts and take the leap! There is a more dazzling, fabulous, spine tingling existence just waiting for you!

Further reading: Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson. This is an excellent essay on being your own person and not letting life or anyone around you just drag you along.

I’m suffering from a bit of existential angst again. Well, I have been for awhile now. I stumbled across a blog today that captures the essence of it quite well. The grace in falling apart talks about how sometimes you just don’t feel happy, even though maybe you think you should. The author describes how the confusion that can come from the feeling of discontent can be a nudge to look inward and really find yourself. Those times when maybe we aren’t so creative or aren’t accomplishing anything can be just the quiet time we need…even though it feels uncomfortable. Inspiration could be simmering there.

And what’s wrong with feeling uncomfortable anyway? Who says you have to be happy all the time? Do you label happy as “good” and sad as “bad”? I do. When I feel sad, I say “what is wrong with me?” When maybe, everything is just right. We are human beings with a whole range of emotions for a reason. The happy, joyous, inspired feelings are not the only ones that are valid and valuable.

We’ve all been told we should be strong and healthy. It doesn’t feel good when we aren’t. We feel vulnerable. I don’t like to feel vulnerable. But that place of vulnerability is where you truly exist. It’s where you aren’t hidden, covered, or distracted. Those messages we get from that place are important. They are clues from your higher self (or God or whatever you want to call it) about what you are here to be (notice I said “to be” not “to do”).

I always feel like I have to be so strong and responsible and driven. It is hard for me to admit when I feel weak and lost. But it is really important to acknowledge those feelings, embrace them even. Sometimes it feels good to fall apart.

I write about happiness quite often here. And maybe it sounds like I have it all figured out. But I still have bad days (weeks/months). Today is one of those days. (And the past two weeks have been those kind of weeks.) I’m ready to order a body double to stand in for me while I disappear for a couple of weeks!

“Be kind to yourself and others and know that whatever is happening in your life right now, you are being cultured to expand your capacity to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY more often.“

Adventure

This photo perfectly illustrates the spirit of adventure! I saw this photo again the other day, and it still makes me smile. We were on the ferry over to Ischia this summer. Alex and his friend were loving life! They were absolutely thrilled with the sea, the air, the boat, with life. When is the last time any of us grown-ups felt or looked like these two?! Life is worth getting excited over! This year I want to be more excited for life and for the everyday adventures that come my way. And when life seems boring, I want to find the adventure that is waiting just around the corner.

Authenticity

This is a big one. Authenticity is honesty–honesty with yourself and others. It is living the life you believe in, the life you choose. It is about not settling for second best (or worse), but rather seeking out your dreams. It is about being who you say you are. It is about speaking your truth clearly without fear of judgement or condemnation. In the past several years, I have worked through a lot of demons in the context of religion, education, societal norms, and career choices. I am at a place now where I feel at peace with all of those things. But sometimes I have trouble expressing my views when I feel like I’m being judged for them. And maybe sometimes I am in fact being judged, and it is better to just keep quiet. A person who is judging you is never going to hear you anyway. But often, the fear of judgement is probably only in my mind. If the person is truly my friend they should at the very least respect my different point of view. This is the biggest challenge to living authentically–being confident and honest about your beliefs and the life you choose. I sometimes feel as though I should share some of the things I’ve figured out along the way, but I refrain from fear of offending someone. This year I hope to move past that and be able to speak freely about who I am and why.

Attraction

A few years ago a book called “The Secret” came out. I didn’t read it, but it is about the law of attraction and I’d read another book about that. The premise is that you create your world. You are the one in charge, not God or fate, or whatever. Long before I learned about this concept, I was already using it. I just didn’t realize it. I spent a good bit of time with a journal, writing about my unhappiness and what sort of life I thought I wanted. A few months ago I came across my journal from a couple years ago and read back through it. One of the things I wrote was that I really wanted to travel, write, and paint. And here I am doing exactly that. I set the intention for myself without even realizing it. The trick is to focus on what you do want, rather than dwelling on what is wrong with your life. I could have spent hours thinking of all the reasons I hated my job. But I asked myself “what do you want instead?”

Checking in with yourself is an important life skill. I spent a good part of my life being unhappy. I didn’t necessarily project unhappiness, but it was always there inside me. I finally got to the point where I realized that it was my responsibility. If I wasn’t happy with my life, I needed to change my life. At first you might not even know what you want. And that is why there are a billion and one ways of living life–try them on until you find one you like. Drop all your preconceived notions and judgements and just go try things that sound like they might work for you. It is probably not a bad idea to also occasionally try things you know (or think you know) won’t work for you–just to be sure! When you identify some things you like and want in your life, set the intention for yourself. Don’t get wrapped up in the where, when, and how. Just acknowledge your desires and believe in your ability to have them, somehow, someway, eventually. But stay focused on where/what you want to be, not on the things that make you unhappy.

In the coming year, I hope to embrace adventures and use them to learn more about myself and what I want out of life; to live with authenticity, confidently expressing my views so that I might share some wisdom with others; and to continue to attract the people, places, and experiences that will allow me to grow and develop into a clearer image of who I really am.