White Orchid Melody Blog

“Be kind to yourself and others and know that whatever is happening in your life right now, you are being cultured to expand your capacity to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY more often.“

Adventure

This photo perfectly illustrates the spirit of adventure! I saw this photo again the other day, and it still makes me smile. We were on the ferry over to Ischia this summer. Alex and his friend were loving life! They were absolutely thrilled with the sea, the air, the boat, with life. When is the last time any of us grown-ups felt or looked like these two?! Life is worth getting excited over! This year I want to be more excited for life and for the everyday adventures that come my way. And when life seems boring, I want to find the adventure that is waiting just around the corner.

Authenticity

This is a big one. Authenticity is honesty–honesty with yourself and others. It is living the life you believe in, the life you choose. It is about not settling for second best (or worse), but rather seeking out your dreams. It is about being who you say you are. It is about speaking your truth clearly without fear of judgement or condemnation. In the past several years, I have worked through a lot of demons in the context of religion, education, societal norms, and career choices. I am at a place now where I feel at peace with all of those things. But sometimes I have trouble expressing my views when I feel like I’m being judged for them. And maybe sometimes I am in fact being judged, and it is better to just keep quiet. A person who is judging you is never going to hear you anyway. But often, the fear of judgement is probably only in my mind. If the person is truly my friend they should at the very least respect my different point of view. This is the biggest challenge to living authentically–being confident and honest about your beliefs and the life you choose. I sometimes feel as though I should share some of the things I’ve figured out along the way, but I refrain from fear of offending someone. This year I hope to move past that and be able to speak freely about who I am and why.

Attraction

A few years ago a book called “The Secret” came out. I didn’t read it, but it is about the law of attraction and I’d read another book about that. The premise is that you create your world. You are the one in charge, not God or fate, or whatever. Long before I learned about this concept, I was already using it. I just didn’t realize it. I spent a good bit of time with a journal, writing about my unhappiness and what sort of life I thought I wanted. A few months ago I came across my journal from a couple years ago and read back through it. One of the things I wrote was that I really wanted to travel, write, and paint. And here I am doing exactly that. I set the intention for myself without even realizing it. The trick is to focus on what you do want, rather than dwelling on what is wrong with your life. I could have spent hours thinking of all the reasons I hated my job. But I asked myself “what do you want instead?”

Checking in with yourself is an important life skill. I spent a good part of my life being unhappy. I didn’t necessarily project unhappiness, but it was always there inside me. I finally got to the point where I realized that it was my responsibility. If I wasn’t happy with my life, I needed to change my life. At first you might not even know what you want. And that is why there are a billion and one ways of living life–try them on until you find one you like. Drop all your preconceived notions and judgements and just go try things that sound like they might work for you. It is probably not a bad idea to also occasionally try things you know (or think you know) won’t work for you–just to be sure! When you identify some things you like and want in your life, set the intention for yourself. Don’t get wrapped up in the where, when, and how. Just acknowledge your desires and believe in your ability to have them, somehow, someway, eventually. But stay focused on where/what you want to be, not on the things that make you unhappy.

In the coming year, I hope to embrace adventures and use them to learn more about myself and what I want out of life; to live with authenticity, confidently expressing my views so that I might share some wisdom with others; and to continue to attract the people, places, and experiences that will allow me to grow and develop into a clearer image of who I really am.

(yeah, it was good!)

So, my vegan fast went bust after a few days. I don’t feel like a failure though. I’m still limiting the amount of dairy I consume. I’ve eaten the cake, and I’ve had a cappuccino every morning. But I’ve been trying new recipes for dinner. This has been nice because I felt like we were in a bit of a rut. And when I didn’t know what to make, I usually ended up making something cheesy and fatty or getting pizza delivered. Not the healthiest choices. So, it feels good to just be taking it down a notch, if not fully detoxing.

I guess the moral of the story is that even small changes and improvements in your eating habits (or lifestyle!) are helpful. You don’t have to be a brand new person overnight. There is so much pressure at the beginning of a new year to make tons of self-improvement resolutions. And no room for error! But in reality, if you do better today than yesterday, you are on the right track. Even when you aren’t perfect, the little things add up. You’ll really start to feel the difference as more of your choices are healthy ones.

Simple living is different for each individual. Your definition of simple depends on how complicated your life is or was.

I find myself not wanting to deal with annoying life things. For example, we have a claim on our furniture damage. First I had to create a report, then take it in, then there were several emails, now I have to call and get a furniture repair man to come out and give an estimate, then more emails, then who knows what before it is settled. It is annoying. Another current annoyance is our rental property. Managing it from 5000 miles away has been much more difficult than I’d anticipated. I don’t like dealing with it. I don’t like dealing with anything difficult or anything that drags on. Brian made a comment last night about the fact that I can actually get tangible things done around the house, laundry or whatever. Whereas he sits in a meeting for two hours doing what?

It made me think about how some of us have a work life and a home life. People don’t like bringing their work home because the work is the part of their life they don’t like so much. But wouldn’t it be simpler to just have one life? What if everything you did was part of you making a living? What if you were making a life? Could you just do things you enjoy and survive? I think it has to be possible. I’m doing it, but of course I’m subsidized Ha, ha!

Creating a simpler existance is a gradual process. The more you do it, the more you want to do it. The physical purging process is the most evident example of this. As we started getting rid of stuff we didn’t really need, I was hesitant. I’d think, “oh, I might need that one day. I should save it.” But then, as you purge, you realize you really like it. Then you start looking for more things to purge. It is addictive! And I think the same is true for the big picture. The simpler your life becomes, the simpler you want it to be.

I can walk to buy groceries, pay the phone bill, dine out at a restaurant, go to the beach, etc. I could probably get by without a car if I didn’t worry about the possibility of needing medical attention for Alex. Not driving is so much simpler. Driving means owning and maintaining a car, which is expensive. Driving means the possibility of accidents, like I had last week. It’s just more crap to deal with in day to day life. I don’t want more crap to deal with. But you can only get by without a car if you are in a pedestrian neighborhood with good resources.

I still drive to buy my mega-groceries once a month, but everytime I wonder if I really have to! It is arduous to say the least. I question the health aspect of it too. The less you go to a supermarket, the less processed crap you are going to eat. Locally, fresh is cheap, processed is expensive, so you have a fiscal motivation to eat healthier!

Being healthy is about lifestyle. And a simple lifestyle is a healthy one. You may not be able to walk to a market, but you can treat the local grocery store as your fresh market by shopping the “outer rim”–produce, bread, dairy–and avoiding the inner aisles which are full of all the processed foods. It can be one step in making your life simpler and healthier. Because lets face it, doctor visits and medical bills are not simple living! And maybe, just maybe, living healthier will bring you one step closer to making a life instead of making a living.

This is the first of my Monday Gratitude posts.

Gratitude is key to happiness. Being grateful for what you have helps you focus on the good things in life, the things that make you feel happy. None of the other stuff really matters.

I don’t know if any of you are Jason Mraz fans, but on his last album there is a song that mentions Cafe Gratitude. This is a real place. Several places actually. The cafes are located in the San Francisco area. You can visit the website here. They have some books, a board game, and a planner, all focused on living with gratitude and abundance. The food at the cafes is all vegan. The owners have an organic farm and much of their produce in the cafes comes from the farm. It is all very cool.

I think there is a global shift occurring. People are seeking. We are no longer content with the idea that the world is a terrible place or that people are all bad, despite what the major news networks would have you believe. I think we all want to believe in each other. Deep down we want to love and be loved. It is really that simple. And I’m grateful.

It is slightly less disgustingly hot today. Only 70% humidity. That’s practically liquid air. I’m generally not one to sweat, but even my knees were sweating when I got home from my run today. I did manage to get up earlier. I went down and made coffee, which was loud enough to get Alex up, so we were out the door by 7:30. That got us back home by 8:15. Much better getting back at that time than just leaving!

Yesterday I didn’t even go. I woke up about 6:30 and it was already gross out. No wind at all. That’s the killer. The humidity isn’t as bad when it is tempered by a sea breeze. That is what is making today a bit better. After Wednesday’s run I thought I was going to be sick I was so hot. That was from not leaving the house until 8:40. Plus I don’t think I’m quite 100% recovered from being sick over the weekend.

It is so easy to make excuses not to exercise. It’s hot, I’m tired, etc, etc…. I think people really get into an excuse trap that way. Being healthy and fit does not come naturally in our society. It requires effort and work. People lie to themselves by saying other things are more important. They know they are lying. If you had a generic survey that ranked aspects of ones life by importance, you can be sure most people would put health at the top of that list. But when it comes time to take responsibility for that health, they fall through. Why? Because it’s work. And everyone already thinks they have too much work to do.

And that, my friends, brings us right back to the simple living thing. Most people have entirely too much going on in their lives. And everything is “important.” So how do you choose? As a wife and mother, self usually comes last. I find myself feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, and it is nobody’s fault but mine. It happens when I don’t take time for myself, or when I don’t ask for the help I need. But doing that doesn’t serve me or anyone else. How can you run a household and take care of loved ones when you are stressed out and miserable.

I have this experience and I lead a very simple life. I cannot imagine what it would be like if I hadn’t simplified and prioritized. You have to make choices that align with your values. If you value your health, then you have to choose healthy options whenever possible. Sometimes there are easy ways to do this. But maybe, depending on your situation, a major life change is in order.

I can honestly say that I am, at this moment, healthier than I have ever been in my life (despite my illness over the weekend!). I am more fit, generally more relaxed, and just feel better. My lifestyle here has played a very large role in that. Being able to walk to shop for food or to go out to dinner or to the beach, etc, means there is hardly a reason to ever be in the car. I absolutely hate the thought of getting in the car to go anywhere now! It is easy to want to spend time outside here. Even when it is miserably hot! It is so pretty I simply have to go outside for a little while each day. I think this greatly contributes to my health and sanity.

We are also eating much healthier. There are no junk food options really. I mean, if I was really determined to eat like crap, I could spend hours in my car driving out to the base to buy crap. But the lazy default here is to eat healthy. I usually get fresh produce every couple of days. That combined with pasta, rice, beans, legumes, and limited amounts of cheese makes up our diet. I haven’t cooked any meat at all here. Meat is expensive in Europe (as it should be, growing meat is an expensive process and the prices here aren’t falsely deflated). Most people treat it as a luxury, as a condiment more than a main course. Even in restaurants what you generally see is just small amounts of meat in the pasta sauce for first course. Second course is a small serving of meat, 2-3 ounces, I’d estimate. I have never seen giant American-size portions of anything here. So, anyway, I’m back to eating vegetarian more strictly again. There for awhile I’d gotten kind of lax. I’ll blame it on the garlic butter chicken at Saleem’s. I just feel so much healthier and lighter when I refrain from eating meat.

I’m not saying everyone has to live the way I do (though I do think everyone should try meat free dishes occasionally!), but I’m saying everyone does need to take responsibility for their own health and well being. Make choices that align with your values. You only have this life, why spend it miserable?

stays together? Better yet, stays fit together!

Yesterday we drove down to Grants Trail. Brian took the cyclocross bike and the burley trailer. He and Alex went for a bike ride while I jogged for about an hour. It was good. It is a nice trail, paved but surrounded by woods and wetlands. It was really nice to get out as a family, even though we have different exercise interests. Brian hates to jog, he’d never make it 5 miles with me. I don’t hate biking, but I get a bigger bang for my buck jogging (burns more calories per hour). Plus I can go at my own pace and don’t have to keep up with anyone.

Of course it had been several, several days since I had jogged. So, today I’m a little sore. It still amazes me that I can go out and jog 5 miles without dying, even when it has been a week.

I went to get a pedicure on Saturday. I was reading a Self magazine while I was there. It featured an interesting article about body types and fat loss. Apparently there was a study that had shown that apples and pears store and burn fat differently. Apple body types (that’s me) store fat around the abdomen. Pear types store fat in the hips, butt and thighs. But there was also a difference in the kind of fat. Triglycerides tend to migrate to the hips and thighs, so for pears diet was very important in losing weight. For apple types, exercise alone was often sufficient. Interesting, I thought.

It also said that 200 minutes a week of jogging would bring down the fat stores in the waist area. Over the course of the 8 month study, participants lost an average of 1.5″ in their waist. I’d heard before you need to jog at least 11 miles a week to lose belly fat. 200 minutes would be more like 20 miles. We don’t want to leave any room for error, so I’m going to shoot for 20 miles But that means I need to get off my arse and go outside at least 4 times a week.

I’m guessing that is not going to happen this coming week. We’ll be in Minnesota for 5 days. If I’m feeling really motivated I *might* jog on the treadmill. But I seriously hate jogging on a treadmill. I’m good for a mile, two at the most, and then I’m bored to tears. I like to run outside because then I can enjoy nature and the changing scenery. Indoors, it seems like all I can focus on is the fact that I’m jogging. And my brain keeps reminding me that I could be sitting around eating chocolate instead.

I’ve been using my tracking chart this week, despite the fact that my eating has been a disaster. At least I’m writing it down. When I get on the scale next week and it hasn’t gone in the right direction there will be no denying why that is.

I’m feeling sort of overwhelmed right now. We are leaving in less than 3 weeks. In between now and then, we have friends coming to visit and we are making a trip to Minnesota. Those are both good things. But it does make it hard to exercise and eat right. Maybe that is a lame excuse. But I have myself convinced anyway. It just seems an uphill battle to do the right thing when there is so much going on. For example, I haven’t been to the grocery store because we are leaving for MN in a few days, and we need to eat the food we have here. But we really need some fresh fruit. Therefore, I need to go to the store anyway. But I like to get my food at Trader Joe’s, and it’s sort of a pain to go out there for just a couple things. But I think my friend wants to go this weekend, so maybe we’ll get some fruit then. I do eat healthier when I have fruit to nibble on.

My point though, is that it is really easy to make excuses when you are busy. For example, yesterday I really should have gone for a jog. I was in a crappy mood, and it would have done me a world of good. But Brian was late getting home, and I told myself that I needed to do other things, like go to the post office and get Alex fed and ready for bed. That was true. But I should have made my health the priority in that scenario. If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of everyone else? I think most moms forget that.

So, anyway, the excuses totally build on each other. Like, I didn’t run yesterday, so why should I run today, because I won’t have time tomorrow, and then we’ll be in Minnesota, and I can’t jog there because it is cold (never mind the fact that they have a treadmill), so I should just wait until we move to start jogging again. Hello!!! That is ridiculous! But these are the thoughts that run through my head. I’m lazy. Obviously. I don’t know why my mind works against me like that. My body likes exercise. I really do enjoy jogging. It isn’t some painful thing that I dread. It feels good. So why won’t my brain jump on the bandwagon? It is bizarre. I don’t have to force myself to eat chocolate. And running makes me feel better than eating chocolate. Why the mental self-sabotage?

Maybe I like to be stressed and miserable. I guess that is the only logical explanation. Ridiculous, isn’t it?

I cancelled weightwatchers today. The free week was very insightful and inspiring. I discovered what a pig I really am, as well as some ways to be less so.

Brian thinks the whole paying-someone-to-use-a-website-to-keep-track-of-what-you-eat is ridiculous. He challenged me to make my own spreadsheet. So I designed an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of my eating each week. It has a starting weight as well as the starting “points” like they do in ww. Basically it is a simplified version of calorie counting. I started using it today. It turned out nicely, I must say. And what a great lesson in frugality and simplicity! I get exactly the tools I use, none of the useless extras and it’s FREE. Nice. I wish I was smart enough to figure out how to share it here.

We got a lot of snow this week! I’m glad. I really like snow! But it isn’t really conducive to jogging. But I started weightwatchers on Monday. And I also did the NYC Ballet Workout DVDtwice this week. So, that was good. Even better, I’m actually down 3lbs since Monday, and I can feel the difference already.

Now, as I mentioned before the weightwatchers thing was a free 7 day trial which automatically runs into a $65-3/month membership. I’m not really sure what to do. I am probably going to cancel on Sunday, as the timing isn’t that great for a membership. It would be good for the next 3 weeks, but then there will be a lapse with the move. I have no idea how long it will take us to get internet set up over there. I’ve heard it can take quite awhile. So, it is probably best to cancel it now and then sign up once we are settled. But part of me really wants to keep doing it because obviously it helps! I have no idea why I don’t have the discipline to do it on my own without the website and monthly fee! Kind of silly. The weather is supposed to improve this week though, so I should have no excuses for not jogging.