White Orchid Melody Blog

What do you want to be when you grow up?

That is a terrible question. Much of my stress in life originated from that question. Answering it is like taking a life sentence! What if I choose the wrong path?! I’ve come to the conclusion that a better question is:

What do you want to be next?

Then you can think of the opportunity before you without fear of being right or wrong. If it doesn’t work out, then you move on to the next thing. Of course this alternative way of thinking does not align well with our current educational system. When you pay big bucks for a specific degree, you want to use it. But I think in the future that will change. I think the value of education has been decreasing at the same time that tuition has been increasing. A job that would have required a Bachelor’s degree 20 years ago, now requires a Master’s. And there are very few “professions” available to those with no degree.

But what if we all thought differently about work. There are people who do not keep 9-5 jobs. They work for awhile, then do whatever it is they like to do besides work. Then, when they need to, they work again. Generally the work they do is something that interests them…freelance, tutoring, or consulting in an area of expertise. One of my favorite books, Your Money or Your Life, talks about exactly that. The idea of that book is not to let your quest for money rule your life. Get your spending under control and simplify your needs so that you can spend time doing what you really want to do rather than being a slave to a paycheck. Some of the examples in the book detail people working in spurts, as mentioned above, or alternately, working just a few hours every day, instead of your standard 8-plus.

What would the world be like if more people focused making a life instead of making a living? Everything could change (for the better)! If most people worked part time, the education and healthcare systems would both be forced to adjust. Students would no longer be willing to pay expensive tuition. Employers would no longer be willing to pay for expensive health care benefits. What would happen instead? Well, not a government take over, that is for certain! But if the free market was allowed to fill in the gaps, think of what could happen. You could have educational opportunities outside of your standard government run universities. Think more like “continuing education” classes that some schools offer. Basically education based on specific interests. Of course if we are throwing out higher learning as an institution parents will carry more of the burden in teaching their children how to learn. Our current system doesn’t teach children how to learn, just how to fit into the box. But when you teach a child how to find answers, how to educate himself, his opportunities are endless. He is no longer constrained to one career path for the majority of his life. He can wander a bit, explore many options, experience more of all that life has to offer.

I, for one, have no set path laid out. I have several options brewing in my mind, many of which I’ve mentioned here before. The beauty and peace is in knowing that no matter what I choose it will be the right path for that moment. As soon as it stops being right for me, I can decide to do something else. This is living life with purpose and intent. This is creating life, rather than letting life drag you along.

Simple living is different for each individual. Your definition of simple depends on how complicated your life is or was.

I find myself not wanting to deal with annoying life things. For example, we have a claim on our furniture damage. First I had to create a report, then take it in, then there were several emails, now I have to call and get a furniture repair man to come out and give an estimate, then more emails, then who knows what before it is settled. It is annoying. Another current annoyance is our rental property. Managing it from 5000 miles away has been much more difficult than I’d anticipated. I don’t like dealing with it. I don’t like dealing with anything difficult or anything that drags on. Brian made a comment last night about the fact that I can actually get tangible things done around the house, laundry or whatever. Whereas he sits in a meeting for two hours doing what?

It made me think about how some of us have a work life and a home life. People don’t like bringing their work home because the work is the part of their life they don’t like so much. But wouldn’t it be simpler to just have one life? What if everything you did was part of you making a living? What if you were making a life? Could you just do things you enjoy and survive? I think it has to be possible. I’m doing it, but of course I’m subsidized Ha, ha!

Creating a simpler existance is a gradual process. The more you do it, the more you want to do it. The physical purging process is the most evident example of this. As we started getting rid of stuff we didn’t really need, I was hesitant. I’d think, “oh, I might need that one day. I should save it.” But then, as you purge, you realize you really like it. Then you start looking for more things to purge. It is addictive! And I think the same is true for the big picture. The simpler your life becomes, the simpler you want it to be.

I can walk to buy groceries, pay the phone bill, dine out at a restaurant, go to the beach, etc. I could probably get by without a car if I didn’t worry about the possibility of needing medical attention for Alex. Not driving is so much simpler. Driving means owning and maintaining a car, which is expensive. Driving means the possibility of accidents, like I had last week. It’s just more crap to deal with in day to day life. I don’t want more crap to deal with. But you can only get by without a car if you are in a pedestrian neighborhood with good resources.

I still drive to buy my mega-groceries once a month, but everytime I wonder if I really have to! It is arduous to say the least. I question the health aspect of it too. The less you go to a supermarket, the less processed crap you are going to eat. Locally, fresh is cheap, processed is expensive, so you have a fiscal motivation to eat healthier!

Being healthy is about lifestyle. And a simple lifestyle is a healthy one. You may not be able to walk to a market, but you can treat the local grocery store as your fresh market by shopping the “outer rim”–produce, bread, dairy–and avoiding the inner aisles which are full of all the processed foods. It can be one step in making your life simpler and healthier. Because lets face it, doctor visits and medical bills are not simple living! And maybe, just maybe, living healthier will bring you one step closer to making a life instead of making a living.

I recently discovered an interesting website sure to waste gobs of time! It is http://www.ted.com/, and the mission of the site is “ideas worth spreading.” So, you can watch hours, or maybe days or weeks, worth of videos about all sorts of interesting things. One of the videos I watched today was from John Maeda who is currently the president of Rhode Island School of Design. He has a book called the Laws of Simplicity. You can get an overview of these at http://www.lawsofsimplicty.com/. Good food for thought.

I’m in the mood to write, so bear with me. It is quite possible that this could be long and rambling

We went to a birthday party yesterday for one of the neighborhood boys. It was at La Masseria, which is an “agriturismo” as well as a Bed and Breakfast. This agriturismo concept has captivated me! Basically you have a farm where you are growing a large vegetable garden, fruit trees, often a vineyard, and animals such as chickens, pigs, goats, etc. Then the farm uses it’s own bounty to supply an on-site restaurant. I’ve heard that for a place to have the “agriturismo” label here, they must be getting 90% of what is served from the property. That is a very high percentage when you take into account the things that you can’t get on your farm (like wheat and other baking goods). It is local, seasonal, sustainable, and organic. Beautiful. I think something like this would be fabulous back home! I think of the wineries we used to visit outside of St. Louis. They could easily expand to incorporate a farm/restaurant. It is such a family friendly concept. The kids adore the animals. Alex stood and stared at the chickens for the longest time!

I think it is a perfect business concept given the current popularity of organic, locally grown foods. Of course, dining is a different concept here in Italy. It is a four or six hour meal! There is no rushing about. Families dine in large groups, helping out with the children. The agriturismo is ideal for this style of dining because it provides entertainment for the kids. There is plenty of space to run around, animals to investigate, and usually some playground equipment as well. You eat a little, walk a little, eat some more, walk some more, visit the other folks in the restaurant, old people hold your baby or talk to your children. It is about community–something sorely lacking in most of the US (at least from my experience).

I think we could run a successful business off this concept. Getting people to slow down and smell the roses! Taste their food! Savor the company. It would bring about health and happiness. Food made to order, from quality ingredients, is so much better for you! So many people I’ve talked to here have remarked how healthier they are since moving to Italy. It’s true: you eat healthy, you walk more, life is good. Of course the rushed, American style dining experience is this antithesis of all of that. The food can’t be made to order, because then you’d have to wait for it, god forbid! But maybe, just maybe, if there was a reason to linger, if there was something to entertain the kids, maybe we could all relax a little bit and experience a little la dolce vita stateside.

It is slightly less disgustingly hot today. Only 70% humidity. That’s practically liquid air. I’m generally not one to sweat, but even my knees were sweating when I got home from my run today. I did manage to get up earlier. I went down and made coffee, which was loud enough to get Alex up, so we were out the door by 7:30. That got us back home by 8:15. Much better getting back at that time than just leaving!

Yesterday I didn’t even go. I woke up about 6:30 and it was already gross out. No wind at all. That’s the killer. The humidity isn’t as bad when it is tempered by a sea breeze. That is what is making today a bit better. After Wednesday’s run I thought I was going to be sick I was so hot. That was from not leaving the house until 8:40. Plus I don’t think I’m quite 100% recovered from being sick over the weekend.

It is so easy to make excuses not to exercise. It’s hot, I’m tired, etc, etc…. I think people really get into an excuse trap that way. Being healthy and fit does not come naturally in our society. It requires effort and work. People lie to themselves by saying other things are more important. They know they are lying. If you had a generic survey that ranked aspects of ones life by importance, you can be sure most people would put health at the top of that list. But when it comes time to take responsibility for that health, they fall through. Why? Because it’s work. And everyone already thinks they have too much work to do.

And that, my friends, brings us right back to the simple living thing. Most people have entirely too much going on in their lives. And everything is “important.” So how do you choose? As a wife and mother, self usually comes last. I find myself feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, and it is nobody’s fault but mine. It happens when I don’t take time for myself, or when I don’t ask for the help I need. But doing that doesn’t serve me or anyone else. How can you run a household and take care of loved ones when you are stressed out and miserable.

I have this experience and I lead a very simple life. I cannot imagine what it would be like if I hadn’t simplified and prioritized. You have to make choices that align with your values. If you value your health, then you have to choose healthy options whenever possible. Sometimes there are easy ways to do this. But maybe, depending on your situation, a major life change is in order.

I can honestly say that I am, at this moment, healthier than I have ever been in my life (despite my illness over the weekend!). I am more fit, generally more relaxed, and just feel better. My lifestyle here has played a very large role in that. Being able to walk to shop for food or to go out to dinner or to the beach, etc, means there is hardly a reason to ever be in the car. I absolutely hate the thought of getting in the car to go anywhere now! It is easy to want to spend time outside here. Even when it is miserably hot! It is so pretty I simply have to go outside for a little while each day. I think this greatly contributes to my health and sanity.

We are also eating much healthier. There are no junk food options really. I mean, if I was really determined to eat like crap, I could spend hours in my car driving out to the base to buy crap. But the lazy default here is to eat healthy. I usually get fresh produce every couple of days. That combined with pasta, rice, beans, legumes, and limited amounts of cheese makes up our diet. I haven’t cooked any meat at all here. Meat is expensive in Europe (as it should be, growing meat is an expensive process and the prices here aren’t falsely deflated). Most people treat it as a luxury, as a condiment more than a main course. Even in restaurants what you generally see is just small amounts of meat in the pasta sauce for first course. Second course is a small serving of meat, 2-3 ounces, I’d estimate. I have never seen giant American-size portions of anything here. So, anyway, I’m back to eating vegetarian more strictly again. There for awhile I’d gotten kind of lax. I’ll blame it on the garlic butter chicken at Saleem’s. I just feel so much healthier and lighter when I refrain from eating meat.

I’m not saying everyone has to live the way I do (though I do think everyone should try meat free dishes occasionally!), but I’m saying everyone does need to take responsibility for their own health and well being. Make choices that align with your values. You only have this life, why spend it miserable?

I love food. But you know that already. What I really love is food in Italy. Everything is so fresh and delicious! They have this fabulous antipasti of grilled veggies that are then marinated, and of course, the bruschetta here is to die for. So, my pal, Luba, told me that her landlady had taught her how to make it. Of course, I had to get the recipes and give it a whirl. Everything turned out so yummy! I could eat it every day!

Grilled Marinated Vegetables



zucchini squash
eggplant
red pepper

Slice zucchini and eggplant into thin, lengthwise pieces. Slice red pepper into strips. Place on grill of your choice (I used the grill plates on my interchangeable waffle iron). When you get the nice little grill marks and veggies are tender, remove and place in a mixture of:

1/2 cup olive oil
1/8 cup white wine vinegar
3 or 4 cloves of minced garlic
salt and pepper to taste

I marinated mine all separately, since I was grilling in small batches, but you could throw it all in together too. Allow to soak. This can be made a day ahead and kept in the refrigerator. Serve at room temperature. Easy, easy, and so good!

And then, my absolute favorite thing lately:

Bruschetta



3 or 4 small round, very ripe, perfect italian tomatoes
2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 tbsp white wine vinegar
salt and pepper
1-2 tbsp fresh basil, finely chopped

Seed and dice tomatoes nice and small and combine with other ingredients. Allow to sit for at least 30 minutes at room temperature. Meanwhile, toast sliced italian bread in the oven. When you remove it from the oven, rub with the cut edge of a halved garlic clove, then brush the slices with olive oil. Add your tomato topping. Easy as can be!

I also made a new dish Sunday evening, which is a modification of a Joy of Cooking recipe.

Eggplant Parmesan



For the fresh tomato sauce, combine in a bowl and allow to sit for at least 30 minutes:

15 small round, very ripe, perfect italian tomatoes, seeded and finely chopped
3 tbsp basil
salt and pepper
3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

2 or 3 smallish eggplants, peeled and cut into 1/2″ slices
1/2 cup flour
2 eggs + 2 tbsp olive oil
1/4 cup olive oil for frying
1/2 cup cornmeal or bread crumbs

Dredge eggplant slices through flour, egg/oil mixture, then cornmeal or breadcrumbs (the original recipe called for breadcrumbs, but I didn’t feel like making them and all good southern girls know cornmeal makes everything better). Fry in batches in a large skillet.

Meanwhile, spread half of the tomato sauce on a large rimmed baking sheet (11×14″ or 11×17″ will work nicely). As the eggplant is done, place on top of tomatoes in a single layer. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Add the rest of the tomatoes on top of the eggplant. Then top with thin slices of fresh mozzarella di bufala and about a 1/2 cup of shredded/grated parmesan. Place in a 400 degree oven for 10 or 15 minutes, until cheese is bubbly. I served mine with a simple spaghetti with olive oil, but you could also use tomato sauce, if you like yours saucier!

Well I know it has been ages since I posted any recipes. But I wasn’t really doing much cooking there for awhile! But I have for you today, not just one, but two new recipes!

At the local frutta e verdura markets, when you buy vegetables, you get all the trimmings. Back in the states, you buy broccoli, you get the crown of broccoli, nicely trimmed, few if any leaves. Well, here you get the stems and a plethora of leaves. The first batch I bought, I threw away the leaves because I had no idea what to do with them. I did keep the stems because I know they can be used in broccoli soup. Well, after a couple of bunches of leaves went into the compost bin, I thought I should find a use for them. I was paying for all that roughage, after all!

So I checked my handy dandy Joy of Cooking under “broccoli.” As it turns out those dark green leaves are very good for you, like most other dark green leafy things. They recommended cooking them like chard, which can be blanched or steamed or sauteed. When we first got to Naples we had dinner out at Ristorante di Rosa in Pozzuoli. I had a broccoli pasta, which wasn’t what I thought it would be. The broccoli was processed practically to a puree, so a very fine coating on the pasta, and mixed with lots of oil and cheese. It was really good. So, I set out to recreate, or at least interpret that dish with all my leftover broccoli leaves and stems. It turned out really tasty! Broccoli Pesto, I call it. Enjoy:

Broccoli Pesto

Separate stems and leaves from broccoli crowns. You might use stems from one bunch and leaves from two bunches. Boil about a half inch of water in a sauce pan. Add stems, cover and cook until they start to turn brighter green. Add leaves (but do not cover) and cook just a couple minutes until soft and green.

Meanwhile in a small skillet saute a few cloves of garlic in a few tablespoons of olive oil.

Transfer olive oil, garlic, and broccoli to food processor. Add about one ounce of Parmesan cheese (mine wasn’t grated, if you have grated, you can add it later). Process until everything is chopped finely. It should look like pesto. Add more olive oil to bring to a soft-butter-like consistency. Add sea salt to taste. Toss with penne pasta and more Parmesan. Yum! And it is so good for you! Even Alex liked it. A nice sneaky way to get him to eat his veggies! About a third of a cup of the pesto is enough to coat 2 servings of pasta. You can freeze the rest.

And for recipe number two, with my frozen broccoli stems and some broccoli crowns, I made soup. This, I’m afraid is not so good for you But a nice treat nonetheless.

Cheddar Broccoli Potato Soup

Yes, it is as good as it sounds. It is a modification of Cheddar Cheese Soup from Joy of Cooking. Make it when you have several people to feed to save yourself from eating it all and having a heart attack from all the cheese and butter and cream. We should probably call it “vegetarian heart attack soup.”

You will need:
1 stick of butter
1 medium onion, diced
3 small to medium carrots, diced
3-4 large stems from broccoli, chopped
1/3 cup flour
4 cups of vegetable broth
2 cups of broccoli florets
2 small to medium potatoes, cubed
1 cup heavy cream
4 ounces of cheddar cheese, grated
1 tsp mustard
Sea salt and cracked pepper, to taste

Melt your butter in your soup pot, over medium heat. Add your onions and carrots and cook until tender. I also added a sprinkle of celery seed for flavor. Add your broccoli and continue cooking until it is bright green and tender-crisp. Sprinkle all of that with your flour and stir to coat. Cook a few minutes more, stirring constantly. Slowly stir in 2 cups of vegetable broth. Mix well. Transfer to food processor and process to a puree.

Return to pot and stir in the remaining 2 cups of broth, broccoli florets, and potatoes. Bring to a boil, then reduce to simmer and cook until soup is thickened and broccoli and potatoes are tender, about 45 minutes to an hour.

Stir in heavy cream and mustard, making sure soup is not above a simmer. (If soup is too hot, the cheese will separate.) Add cheddar cheese and stir until melted. Add salt and pepper to taste.

This isn’t really a spring time dish, more like winter comfort food. I made it on a cool rainy day, though, and it was so good!

Today was like Christmas! After some debate we decided to have our express shipment delivered here to the hotel room. Not ideal, since much of it we don’t need, and now we’ll have to move it to the townhouse ourselves. But, we decided it was worth it for the jogging stroller and my clothes.

Challenging situations are opportunites for learning about oneself. This experiment had shown me that there is a limit to my capacity for simple living. I could never live out of a backpack and forsake all my earthly treasures. It’s just not going to happen. There is definitely such a thing as too much stuff. And we were definitely there a couple years ago. But having really purged the excess this past year, we have found a happy medium. Honestly there will probably be things I’ll unpack form boxes and ask myself why in the world I kept them. But for the most part, what we have now is stuff we really use and enjoy. I was talking to a lady here at the hotel who was saying she had to find a really big house for all of her stuff. She said they had 16 crates coming. To put that in perspective, we have 6 crates coming. We only used about a third of our weight limit for the household goods shipment. But 16 crates??? I cannot imagine. What a burden to be dragging that much stuff around and to be so limited in your choice of homes! Our townhouse is pretty big for an Italian home, though still smaller than our St. Louis house. Yet I can say with certainty that all of our stuff is going to fit in there just fine!

So, it is good to limit the stuff in your life and make room for experiences. That said, living in a hotel room with only a small assortment of clothes and none of our “creature comforts” has been difficult for me. I am definitely a home body. I like to have a home and be surrounded by things I enjoy. My down comforter is one of my most prized possessions. It is the epitome of a cozy home. I just don’t sleep as well under a polyester quilt. What can I say?

And I was really getting crazy not having much to wear. I even bought a sweater last weekend when we were at the mall. So, it was really good to open the boxes and pull out some of my clothes. I guess I’m vain, but I like to look nice, and I like clothes. I’m a fashion designer at heart. I have always loved fashion. Simplifying my life has been a great thing, but it can’t take the fashionista out of me. It just keeps it in check. One of my simple living books recommended a very minimal wardrobe and only the barest essential makeup. I think that advice is for people who are stressed out by clothing and makeup. I enjoy it. And I think the true spirit of simple living is filter out all the distractions so that you can focus on what you enjoy about life. This is after all, an epicurian pursuit of simple living.

I cancelled weightwatchers today. The free week was very insightful and inspiring. I discovered what a pig I really am, as well as some ways to be less so.

Brian thinks the whole paying-someone-to-use-a-website-to-keep-track-of-what-you-eat is ridiculous. He challenged me to make my own spreadsheet. So I designed an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of my eating each week. It has a starting weight as well as the starting “points” like they do in ww. Basically it is a simplified version of calorie counting. I started using it today. It turned out nicely, I must say. And what a great lesson in frugality and simplicity! I get exactly the tools I use, none of the useless extras and it’s FREE. Nice. I wish I was smart enough to figure out how to share it here.

It thawed out slightly here over the weekend. I was able to go for a nice 5 mile jog Sunday. I’m still amazed that running that far isn’t killing me. I’m tempted to try a truly long run, say 9 miles, but I don’t think my legs are quite ready for it. I don’t want to get injured and then not be able to jog at all.

Right now it is snowing. It is just a light drifty snow with big fat flakes, not amounting to much on the ground. I love snow. I wish we’d get a foot! I mean, if it is going to be cold anyway…

I have a bit of the winter blues. That super cold snap really got me down. It was entirely too cold to go outside, and I was starting to feel trapped. Times like that really challenge the whole one-car household concept. I was wishing we had a second vehicle so I could just get out of the house for a bit. In general though, I’m rather bored. We are in limbo right now, waiting for this move. So, where I might normally seek out some activity, now I have a “why bother” mentality. Not the healthiest perspective I guess.

Then the question comes up: what am I going to do once we move? I never pictured myself a stay-at-home-mom. And alas, its charm is wearing thin. Don’t misunderstand, I am thrilled that I got to spend Alex’s first year at home with him, watching him develop, experiencing his milestones. Despite the challenges, it was great. But now, I’m beginning to think he would benefit from some socialization (as would I).

Brian thinks I should get a job. But seeing as how I am philosophically opposed to jobs unless absolutely necessary, I’d rather not. He gets dollar signs in his eyes thinking of all the investments we could make with that extra savings. It is true that we’d have more money saved when we got back. But, really, it would have to be the most super fabulous, challenging, gratifying job ever to make me give up my pajamas.

He suggested I try to get a job with state department. I asked if there was a position that involved going to lots of parties. I’d be good at that, I think. I could even throw some parties…that’s one of my favorite things! We had some dinner guests the other night, and one said I could take drawing classes and Italian lessons, and I thought, “oh! that sounds much better than getting a job.”

What I really need to do is start up a business of my own some way, some how. I have about a zillion ideas, but not enough courage to start. Gotta work on that. I’m still afraid of failure. It is ridiculous when I think about it. I’m not leaving a high paying job or anything; really there is nowhere to go but up!