Yesterday was pretty good. We even went for a family run. It had been awhile! It is so hard to find time to exercise lately. Alex will be starting a daily preschool here in a couple weeks, so hopefully I will run out of excuses for not running then. Last night we had a farewell dinner with our friends that are moving home to the states. We did pretty well. The restaurant was not very obliging. The only gluten free vegetarian item they had was a mushroom risotto. I hate mushrooms. I asked if they could do zucchini risotto. “No.” Um, okay, well I need “senza glutine e vegetariano, ma no funghi.” Um, um, um. He was stumped. So, I just asked for risotto con formaggio (parmesan). “Si.” Okay, so not vegan, but as close as we could get. It was really rich! I stopped enjoying it about half way through. But for some reason I finished it. Probably should have spared myself the calories. But we had mixed veggies for our antipasti and abstained from bread and wine. I ordered Alex pizza. It looked SO GOOD. I really, really wanted a piece! And there was a basket of really beautiful whole wheat bread slices sitting right in front of me throughout the whole meal. Have I mentioned how difficult it is to eat healthy in Italy? If you read (or saw) Eat, Pray, Love you’ll remember how Elizabeth Gilbert just gives up and buys bigger jeans. Yeah, that’s totally me.

Today I did great. Green smoothie, raw veggies and hummus, green salad, rice cake with almond butter, some herbal tea. But tonight….well…I made pesto for dinner. Pesto is truly a summer delight. You make it when the basil explodes into a bush. I could have made a vegan pesto, but why? It’s a once a year treat. So I made it with the parmesan reggiano. And it was soooo good. So good that we also had a glass of our organic sulfite free white wine that we bought on the way home from Germany. So, tonight was definitely a “cheat” meal. I guess we aren’t very disciplined cleanse-ers. Oh, well. We are doing the best we can without totally losing our minds. I’m choosing to focus on the positive–on all the things we are doing right and not the ways that we fail.

Mornings are definitely the most difficult for me. To say I’m not a morning person is putting it lightly. Cappuccinos are pretty much my only motivation to get up in the morning. Sad, isn’t it? So, without the cappuccino happiness, I’ve been extra grumpy. But I’ve been sticking to tea and smoothies. I think maybe today was slightly better on the coffee deprivation front. I’ve been really tired though. I guess I’m still exhausted from our vacation. Combine that with being decaffeinated, and well, I need afternoon naps and early bedtimes.

Yesterday I went out to the big American grocery store, which is always a chore. But they have a good selection of gluten free items and I wanted to stock up to help us through the cleanse. I bought some gluten free baking mix just in case we have a craving for baked goods in a week! I don’t want that to be a reason for giving up on the cleanse. And so far, cutting the gluten from my diet has made me feel much better! So, I’m already seeing the benefits of the cleanse. It has really helped having Brian doing it along with me this time, too. Last time I had to smell his coffee in the morning. Oh, the agony!!! Plus he’s always so positive and cheerful, and that helps me stay motivated.

We’ve been having salads for lunch, smoothies for breakfast, and fruit or nuts or rice cakes for snacks. Last night we had a date night and went to our favorite local restaurant. That was a challenge. The owner/chef prepares everything to order and I knew she’d be most likely to prepare food that was close to the cleanse guidelines. We normally pig out on bruschetta, fried appetizers, grilled veggies, pasta with cream sauce, bread, dessert, coffee, and of course wine. So last night, I ordered a green salad, grilled veggies, and zucchini risotto. That was a huge improvement over our standard fare! It’s really crazy how easy it is to overeat in Italy. Just reading that list of our normal meal is kind of embarrassing. We did, however, succumb to a bottle of Prosecco, which is truly my wine-weakness. We ordered a glass and they brought us a bottle (this is also very typical in Italy). And of course I can’t just have a glass when there is a whole bottle sitting right in front of me. So, we slipped up. But we acknowledged our failure and got right back on track today.

That’s a big deal for me. Normally, if I gave into the temptation of something not on the cleanse, I’d just say to hell with it and go back to status quo. It felt good to realize we’d made a bad choice and get right back to making good choices. Oh, and we both had heartburn after the Prosecco. That helped to remind us that it was not the best choice!

Today we went to the local produce stand for our fruits and veggies. The fruit and veggie prep is really a lot of work! I chop up all the salad veggies and put them in separate containers so that they are ready to go for salads for the next several days. It’s convenient for quick lunches, but it takes a lot of time up front. I’ve been doing it for awhile just for me, but for the two of us it’s a twice a week chore.

At the market, I bought some pepperoncini picanti (hot chili peppers) to make fresh salsa. It turned out really spicy, but so good! For dinner, I served the salsa over polenta slices with lightly steamed green beans and homemade refried beans. It was the first time I’d ever had polenta. I bought a premade pack that you just slice and cook. The label said to fry it. I tried that it, but it was a mess–sticking to the pan and all mushy. So, the rest of the slices I baked in the oven. That worked much better and without the added fat! Awesome! But I think next time I’ll try to make the polenta from scratch.

So far, so good. We’re on track. The vegan and gluten free thing is pretty easy. The wine and coffee, a bit harder. But I’m committed to seeing it through–especially since I can already tell a difference!

Today was tough, though not necessarily because of the cleanse. I woke up in the middle of the night last night with my allergies flaring up. My mouth and ears were itching like crazy, so I got up and took some benadryl. Well, I guess it was nearly 5am then because when my 3 year old came in with a big “GOODMORNING!!!” at 6:15am, I could hardly open my eyes. I begged for mercy, but no luck. I tried to convince him to let me sleep for awhile longer, but it’s hard to convince a 3 year old who is so excited about life and NEVER tired that you are still tired and want to sleep. So, in my sleep deprived state I wanted a big cappuccino (or three) and a chocolate chip raspberry muffin. I drank my green smoothie instead.

I did have a cup of black tea later, which perked me up a bit. Then for lunch, red bean and vegetable curry with a bit of rice. And tonight for dinner we had a big salad and some fresh corn. Interesting thing about the corn. I specifically asked at the market if it was sweet corn– “mais dolce”.  He said yes, but apparently he and I have differing definitions of sweet. It was really starchy, so I fried it up like my grandma used to fry up field corn (minus the crisco!).

As much as I have loved living in Italy, the charm is starting to wear off. We said goodbye tonight to some friends who are moving back to the states. (oh, and we had a shot of limoncello with them…totally NOT part of the cleanse. oops.) Seeing them all packed up and heading off, I was a little jealous. I’m ready to be back on familiar ground. Of course, there are many things I will miss about Italy. My memories will almost certainly reflect the good things most prominently and the bad things as just quirky and amusing. But, seriously, being able to do more than one load of laundry a day will be awesome!

It’s the first day of the Crazy Sexy Cleanse! Several months ago, Brian and I did a 21 day vegan indulgence. We made it almost 21 days before life made it nearly impossible to continue. But really, I didn’t feel much different for it. Since then, I’ve read Crazy Sexy Diet by Kris Carr. In the book she describes how your body processes foods–either alkaline or acidic. It’s not the same as the natural state of the food before eating. For example, lemons are alkaline to your body, but they are obviously very acidic. Citric acid anyone? So, it’s a bit complicated, but the gist of it is this: raw plant foods have living enzymes which aid in digestion. The less work your body has to do while digesting your food, the more energy it can spend on other things, like healing what ails you, renewing cells, etc.

Dead things don’t have enzymes. So when you boil your green beans for an hour, you’ve killed them. Additionally, meat and pasteurized dairy are acidic and difficult to digest. (Raw dairy, however, has it’s enzymes intact. Some folks even eat raw meat. Ew. But anyway.) The best stuff for your body are enzyme packed fruits and veggies. The Crazy Sexy Cleanse is designed to break your addictions to dairy, sugar, caffeine, and alcohol and streamline your digestion by adding gobs of live enzymes. It also eliminates gluten from your meals. I never would have thought I had a gluten intolerance, but a couple months ago, I tried the CSC for just over a week and could tell a huge difference in eliminating gluten! I was really shocked, but as soon as I ate pizza crust or pasta, I felt awful. Since then, I’ve cut back quite a bit on my gluten intake, but man, is that difficult in Italy!

My nutritional philosophy is this: a varied, seasonal diet heavy on plant foods. I’ve discovered first hand over the past couple years, that when you eat the same foods all the time, you can develop a food intolerance. I think this is what has happened with dairy, gluten, and even wine. If I eat dairy more than once a day, I feel bad. I was really over doing it when we first moved here, what with the pizza and pastas full of cheese, but after cutting back quite a bit, it isn’t bothering me as much. On our trip to France we were eating boatloads of bread and I felt HORRIBLE. Not sure if it’s the gluten or the yeast, but it’s not healthy for me. I’m doing the cleanse as a way of purging out all the things that might be making me feel so tired and bleh. Then, I’ll add back one thing at a time and hopefully learn more about what my body does and does not like.

We are all unique beings, and I do not believe one size fits all when it comes to nutrition. However, I do think there are some general guidelines that apply to all, i.e. “Eat your veggies!” But when I think about food intolerance, I think that seasonal eating makes a lot of sense. You really shouldn’t be eating spinach every day of the year. Your body needs a multitude of nutrients that simply cannot be found in one or even 20 different foods. This is bad news for most of us Americans since the supermarket looks pretty much the same year round. It can be difficult to discern what is truly “in season”. I think this is also one of the reasons so many people don’t like to eat fruits and veggies. They taste terrible out of season, or even in season when shipped 2000 miles. There is some of that even here in Italy where so much is local and seasonal. My local produce stand had zucchini out of season (don’t know where it was coming from) but it tasted bitter and awful! Then I remembered that it was April. Zucchini doesn’t grow in Italy in April. Right. Zucchini in July? Yes please! It’s the sweetest veggie ever!

Day 1 Menu:

breakfast: 20 oz smoothie: banana, green apple, nectarine, melon, zucchini, carrot, spinach, a splash of lemon juice and a teaspoon of honey (for my allergies)–we actually made a big pitcher of it to share between the 3 of us (alex likes them too!) so all of this made more than 20 ounces.

snack: hot green tea, green apple with peanut butter

lunch: big raw food salad with red and green lettuce, baby spinach, tomatoes, carrots, zucchini, red and yellow peppers, pumpkin seeds, chickpeas (cooked canned), tossed with a splash of orange balsamic vinegar, soy sauce, and olive oil.

snack: 85% dark chocolate square, hot green tea

dinner: bell peppers stuffed with herbed potato/cauliflower mash with onion-tomato gravy; lightly steamed green beans and sauteed fennel with balsamic and raw garlic vinaigrette.  Yummy! (I haven’t made this yet and I can’t wait for dinner!)

and of course, water, water, water! But did you know that drinking water with a meal dilutes the natural enzymes in your stomach? So, it’s best to drink a glass or two of water about 20 minutes before your meal, and then wait an hour or so after your meal before drinking up!

If the peppers turn out as fabulous as I expect, I’ll post the recipe tomorrow!

My poor little neglected blog! Where does the time go everyday? I think I know the (very complex) answer to that, but still, it makes me sad that I miss out on writing time so often. We just returned from a two week trip through France, Germany, and Italy. We hit the Giardino dei Tarrochi in Tuscany, then Cinque Terre, then Nice, Provence, and Lyon, France, then Stuttgart again, then came home a different route than usual, stopping in Modena for tours of the Ferrari and Lamborghini Museums and some awesome 25 year old Balsamic vinegar. Then we drove down the east coast of Italy on A-14. Wow! It was so beautiful! We’ve always taken the more central route, which is pretty through Tuscany, but really pretty flat. The east coast was so mountainous and beautiful and had views of the Adriatic Sea along the way. We were so glad we went that route! The original reason for the detour was to stop by an organic winery in Abruzzo. Finding that was a lot of fun (insert sarcasm font here). Signage for towns, roads, pretty much anything in Italy is notoriously horrible. Addresses are meaningless. You have to know exactly where you are going before you go. (GPS coordinates are the most helpful, but even then, not guaranteed.) We had to stop and ask some locals twice just to find the place, all while driving down crazy one lane country roads. But alas, we found it. And it was worth it! We drove away with 66 bottles of Natura (30 white/36 red), an organic and sulfate-free wine! Delicious! Some of the cheap wines in Italy are really heavy on sulfite, which is a preservative. I think I may have developed a sulfite intolerance as I have had some problems (flushing, itchy mouth) with some table wines, specifically. But it could just be from too much wine in general.

….which leads to my next little update: We are doing the 21 day Crazy Sexy Cleanse starting today! Yes, that’s “we” as in both me and my sweet hubby. Isn’t he nice to give up coffee, alcohol, gluten, dairy, and meat for 21 days? Yes, he is! In an effort to keep myself motivated and on track, I’m planning to keep a daily log here of what I ate and how I’m feeling (detox symptoms, etc). The cleanse is based on the idea of eating an alkaline, plant based diet. It’s vegan and heavy on raw and lightly cooked vegetables. It delivers an abundance of enzymes, which aid in digestion and help detoxify your body. If you want to learn more, the Crazy Sexy Diet is a fun and inspiring read, so check it out!

Spaghetti Bolognese is the champion of fatty, meaty, animal based pasta sauces. So it was probably crazy to attempt a vegan version. But lo, behold, the most amazing sauce ever. It is DELICIOUS! Serve over whole grain spaghetti, cooked al dente.

Vegan Spaghetti Bolognese

olive oil
1 onion, minced
1 small bunch baby celery, leaves included, chopped
1 large carrot, diced
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1/8 cup soy sauce
2 cups cooked small lentils
2 cans chopped tomatoes
2 tsp salt
8 sundried tomato halves, finely chopped
1 cup coconut milk*
water

Add enough oil to a large sauce pan or stockpot to cover the bottom. Heat over low, then add onions, celery, and carrot, cooking until onions are translucent. Turn up the heat to medium or medium high and saute until the vegetables start to brown. When they are starting to brown, deglaze with red wine vinegar and soy sauce mixture, scraping up the browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Add lentils and stir well to combine. Then add all the tomatoes and salt, stirring to combine. If needed, add a bit of water so that it looks a little soupy. It should not look thick at this stage. I added about a 1/2 cup to a cup of water. Bring to a simmer and then stir in coconut milk. Allow to simmer for an hour or two, stirring occasionally. Then transfer about 1/4 of the sauce to a blender and blend until smooth. (Alternatively, you could use an immersion blender.) Return the blended portion to the pot and stir well. You should now have a thick sumptuous sauce!

*The coconut-y taste of the coconut milk cooks off leaving you with a creamy decadent sauce that’s vegan! Hooray!

I have a confession to make: I really like being a housewife, a.k.a. Domestic Goddess. Okay, so I don’t like to clean, but other than that. And yes, I need time to paint and write and read (which is what I do instead of cleaning), but I really like being able to stay at home: having the time to make my home a “nest”—a warm inviting place; having the time to cook nutritious meals; being able to watch my son learn and grow. I would be missing out on a lot of these things if I was working full time outside the home. When I worked full time, before my son came along, dinner was a hurried affair. Home from a long day, tired and drained, I wasn’t exactly up for getting creative in the kitchen. I relied heavily on processed foods. Even after I went vegetarian and had to learn to cook more things from scratch, soy-based meat substitutes were frequently on the menu.

After I quit working, I really struggled with the idea of just being a housewife. Even though our quality of life improved with me at home—better food for one thing!—I still felt like I wasn’t making an adequate contribution to our livelihood. I made several attempts at small craft-type businesses, but I was never passionate enough about any of them to get past the initial creative surge. I felt defeated and frustrated, yet at the same time I couldn’t bear the thought of another corporate job. Once we had a baby, my staying home was more “justified”, but still, I couldn’t really let myself go. I couldn’t let myself enjoy it.

I was brought up to be a career woman. From a very young age, I was taught that the most important thing for me to do was to have a career. College was stressed as essential, but really the education was only a means to the career. Perhaps I didn’t show any natural tendencies to nurture, but it wasn’t encouraged either. I don’t remember playing with baby dolls, only full-grown Barbie dolls. I never really had pets to nurture. It was all about growing up and being an independent woman. Parents always want their kids to have a better life than they had, to skip the hardships and enjoy life. And that truly was the spirit behind the lessons. My mom wanted me to have the freedom to choose a life of my own making. She didn’t want me to get tied down to a baby before I was ready.

Unfortunately, the lesson really REALLY sank in. So much so, that I had a hard time enjoying it once I did have a baby. I felt like I wasn’t cut out for being a mom. I definitely had hormonal issues, but looking back now, I think a lot of my depression stemmed from my inability to fall into the situation with grace. I couldn’t let myself go. I couldn’t let myself enjoy something that had been so devalued my whole life. I didn’t see myself as tender and nurturing and I didn’t think it was okay to be that way either. Maybe it was okay for other people, but not for me. Wasn’t I supposed to be doing something more with my life?

Three years later, I am finally realizing this about myself. (Slow learner?) Being in Italy, not being “allowed” to work here, has really let me off the hook. It has allowed me to enjoy staying at home. There is no pressure to be doing something more important because legally, I can’t. I have really figured out what I do and do not like to do with my time. But even here, for the last year or so, I’ve been thinking of how to make one of the things I like to do a career. I could go back to school for a Master’s in Painting and teach, for example. But honestly, I don’t want a career. That is so hard to admit after a lifetime of conditioning, but it’s true. I want freedom and flexibility in my life. If I do teach, I want it to be part time, on my terms. I don’t want to invest a ton of money in a degree and then be a slave to a job to pay back loans. No way, man.

In some ways it is easy to admit that I like being a housewife. After all, it means I get to do whatever I want all the time, right? But then there’s that whole being a mom thing. My husband, my mom, my in-laws, friends and other relatives have all said that I’m a good mom. But I still feel like I’m not cut out for it. I’ve been very resistant to the idea of having another baby because I was so miserable for that first year. But now I wonder how much of that was just my resistance to the situation. Can I own my experience and say “Yes! This is what I want!” and have a more positive experience next time? I actually love being a mom on most days. I love the experience, though, not the label. The label still has negative connotations in my mind. But the day-to-day of playing with my son, watching him learn and grow, is actually pretty awesome. There is a delicate balance, of course. When things become too heavily weighted towards everyone else’s needs, I start to get crazy. But as long as I get some “me time”—painting, reading, writing, running—I do alright. This is true for every other mom I know.

When I think about the future, what appeals to me is having a life full of things I value—time, art, good food, family, friends. Having a career and all the stresses that go with it is not part of that picture. I want a handmade life—one made of all the beautiful pieces that I can assemble together, like a quilt of joy, love, and creativity. It’s not about expecting everything to be perfectly happy all the time. It’s about accepting the challenges as necessary to the whole, feeling the pain so that you can feel the joy, not numbing oneself to the human experience. It can be whatever I want it to be. Each of us has the power to create a beautiful life for ourselves. We can make this life whatever we want it to be. It doesn’t have to fit into anyone else’s idea of a good life. It’s your life. Own it.

My new(ish) tattoo:

We are divine beings seeking the human experience.

It’s all about owning that experience, whatever it is.

I’ve upped the ante. My morning smoothie now looks like this:

I never thought I would EVER be able to bring myself to drink anything that looked like that. But it was yummy! And now I’m addicted.

After reading Crazy Sexy Diet, I was mulling over the idea of adding more raw foods to my diet. I easily fall into the habit of being heavy on beans and grains. My fruit smoothies were great for getting my daily dose of fruit, but I hardly ever ate raw veggies. I eat lots of veggies–they’re just all cooked.

So I talked to a friend of mine about adding some greens and she suggested some painless ways to get started–just a little green stuff to start with and work your way up from there. The first day, I started with my normal banana, orange, strawberry, and threw in about a third of a cucumber. It was okay. Drinkable with a straw anyway. But you see, I really, really HATE cucumber. So, although that may be one of the least offensive vegetable add-ins for most people, it was probably the worst for me. The next day, I added a little bit of the cucumber again (since I had it), plus some broccoli stems, a broccoli leaf, and a few leaves of parsley, oh, and a green apple instead of the strawberries. And we have a winner! The green apple flavor dominates, so none of the other green stuff is recognizable to my taste buds. Perfect. I still have a little bit of cucumber left, but after I use that up, I am thinking about switching it out for zucchini. I’ll gradually work my way up to 50/50 fruit/veggies. A lot of raw foodies suggest mostly veggies, but fruit is good for you too! And I’m not one to just sit and chow on fruit, so for me a smoothie is the best way to get my daily dose.

Interested in trying a Green Smoothie? Here is a mix to get you started:

1 banana
1 blood orange
1 green apple
1 broccoli stem (~2″ long)
broccoli leaves (or if your broccoli doesn’t have leaves, you can add other greens–spinach, carrot greens, etc.)
few parsley leaves (easy on the parsley, it has a strong flavor)
1/3-1/2 cucumber (or more if you actually like cucumbers!)
1 romaine lettuce leaf

Combine in blender and blend until all is smooth. My blender is not one of those fancy expensive things that many of the raw food sites recommend, but it still manages to do the job. I let it run for awhile until everything looks really smooth. You may want to cut the larger vegetables into little pieces to help everything blend up faster.

Serve and enjoy! But be warned: they are addictive! My energy levels skyrocketed with the addition of all these yummy enzymes! One morning I skipped it and had coffee and a whole grain muffin and felt horrible by noon. You can judge the benefits of food choices by how they make you feel. When I eat heavy food, I feel heavy and sluggish. When I have a super-smoothie, I feel light and energetic! That’s proof enough for me!

P.S. My 3 year old loves them, too!

All gone!

a.k.a Crack.

Really, they are THAT good. Well, I don’t know how good crack is, actually. But these cookies are certainly habit forming. The first batch went so fast I didn’t even have a chance to take a photo. So, we had to make more. Damn.

Double Chocolate Cookies
(a modification of my Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookie)

3/4 cup sugar
1 tbsp molasses
1/3 cup oil
1 tbsp ground flaxseed + 3 tbsp water (egg replacer)
3 tbsp soymilk
3/4 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 cup quick oats (see? they’re healthy! flaxseed AND oats!)
1/2 cup chocolate chips

In a large bowl, mix sugar and molasses until well blended. Add oil, soymilk and flaxseed mixture, stirring well. In a medium bowl combine, flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt. Gradually add dry ingredients to wet, combining well. Stir in chocolate chips and oatmeal. Spoon onto greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees until set (about 10 minutes). They should still look puffy, not flat!

Sometimes we think we are so smart that we can actually advise others. Then the universe says: Oh, yeah? Can you take your own advice?

Like when you’re feeling all grounded and write about how one should be in control of one’s feelings and can choose to feel however one wants. And then you have to cancel all of the next month’s travel plans because of something that you see as total bullshit. Re-frame that, lady!

So, yeah. Here I sit, trying to re-frame my frustration and disappointment, trying to see the big picture, the silver lining. How can I spin it differently?

I make up that this is a universal ass-kicking. The universe is drawing my attention to the fact that I am not living the life that feels right at the core of me. Sure, living overseas and traveling all the time is awesome. But the fact is we’re only at 50% of authentic living. Only one of us (me) is doing what we want on a daily basis. The other one of us works all the time, and that work is pulling him more and more away from our family, and now even away from the travel that is supposedly the big benefit of said work and income. That doesn’t make anyone happy.

I believe that the universe sends you signals all the time. If you pick up on them when they are small little pinches and pokes and make the changes you need to make, then things go pretty smoothly. You suffer internally with making tough decisions based only on your intuition, but outwardly, things flow. However, if you ignore the little pinches, they get more severe. Eventually you get to the ass-kicking level where things aren’t going so well outwardly and it is easier to find that inner resolve. This is where it seems to be going for us.

It is easy to distract yourself from life, from living your truth. So, you have a big dream, but with this job or situation or whatever it is that isn’t your big dream, you can have money or great benefits or whatever. For us the proverbial carrot has been travel. But at what price? So, we get to distract ourselves with beautiful European cities. It’s just entertainment.

Travel can be a very expanding experience. I think EVERYONE should travel. It opens your eyes to the fact that people all over the world do things differently than you and your neighbors. That is a good learning experience. It’s humbling. But when travel becomes something that is keeping you from walking your true path, then it’s just fool’s gold.

It sounds ridiculous to say that we are “settling” for an existence that most people would love to live. But if it isn’t a life that makes our hearts and souls sing, then it is settling, plain and simple. It takes courage to not settle. It takes courage to make the leap, hoping a net will appear. It takes courage to speak, live, own your truth. Will we find the courage? Stay tuned.